Today, I embark upon an age-old tradition — the family car trip.

We will attempt to drive 13 hours in the car with two boys under the age of 7 over two days.

Hopefully, at the end, we will reach sand and surf . . . if we all survive.

Traveling with us will be a cooler full of sugar-free drinks, Coke Zero, water and the ever-present insulin vials for my youngest.

Ever given someone a shot in the back of an SUV? I must say I’ve gotten pretty good at it. And my son looks at it as an adventure. Ah, youth . . .

Yes, we might be crazy, but if we’re headed for the funny farm we’re all going together.

Here’s a self portrait of what I anticipate I will look like in two days’ time.

As you can see, the proverbial walls are closing in on me. Plus, it looks like I may need some Propecia or other hair-loss product . . .

But a shining ray of light for me is that I thought far enough ahead to order some amazing steaks to be delivered to us during our week-long stay in paradise. This I know:  the food will be good.

Why? Because I will be preparing those steaks just the way I like them.

And we’ll be making some memories, too.

Catch you next week when I’m hangin’ ten, dudes!

(That is, if “hangin’ ten” means sitting under an umbrella reading back issues of “Real Simple” and “Oprah” magazines while my sons inadvertently flick sand in my drink.)

I was reading an article called “Picking Perfect Steaks:  How to Make the Most of the Beef You Cook at Home” and I stopped in my tracks when I came to one particular part. 

It wasn’t so much the advice that gave me pause as the way it was worded. Here it is . . .

· Pick out your steak like you pick out your clothes. Would you grab just any old pair of pants off the rack? Of course not. Same with a steak. Look at each one carefully. If you want it to be juicy and tender for cooking on the grill, you want lots of little white flecks of fat in the meaty part (it’s called marbling). The flecks melt away during cooking, adding to the meat’s flavor. You also want it to be an even thickness (if it’s thinner in some parts, it will cook unevenly). If you’re buying more than one steak, try to find cuts that are all close in size so they finish cooking at about the same time.

Now that’s good advice as far as I’m concerned, but I can’t get past picking out my steak like I pick out my clothes.

I imagine myself in a dressing room with a three-way mirror and when I look up I see a T-bone hanging on the hook behind me. There’s a bacon-wrapped filet sitting on the bench waiting to be tried on. A KC strip peers at me on a shelf next to a flouncy skirt I’m about to slip on.

I take my things up to the register and the woman says, “Did you find everything you needed today?”

“Yes,” I say. “I’ll take the skirt, the beaded belt and the ribeye.”

It’s summer and we’re all spending lots of time outside making some great meat. But if you’re looking for ways to change up the same old grilling dishes why not try some different sides?

Bush’s Beans has come out with their new Grillin’ Beans. It’s 4 flavors of beans — each with an intended purpose. The Steakhouse Recipe flavor is supposed to complement a yummy ribeye or beef tenderloin or any other steak you like.

They even have recipes that go with each flavor on their site that you can try. Of course they do! They want you to buy their beans!

Check it out anyway if you are looking to freshen up your already perfect meat dishes. If nothing, you can at least look at photos of that cute Golden Retriever they always have on their commercials — Duke. I love that guy!

Here’s the link:

http://www.bushbeans.com/products/grillinbeans/