December 16th, 2009

Steak Stories: What Happens When Santa is Naughty?

It’s getting close to Christmas and the tension in the air is palpable at our house.

We like to tell stories with our kids before we go to bed. And now that Christmas is only days away, ALL our nighttime stories are Christmas-related.


My husband and I try to impress upon the kids that old adage about being “naughty or nice” and the possibility of a lump of coal in their stockings. Things like, don’t beat your brother black and blue trying to race him to change the “countdown to Christmas” statue to today’s number.

Santa doesn’t like that.

So, at story time a few days ago, my oldest added a new twist to the lessons we have been carefully teaching.

“Once upon a time,” he began, “the elves were busy building toys in the North Pole. And Santa was getting the reindeer in line. Sometimes they didn’t listen to him. So Santa grabbed some steaks and threw them at them. One got stuck in Blitzen’s antlers. The end.”

Apparently steak is so prevalent in my house that that’s the first thing that came to mind for Santa to hurl at the reindeer. Nice.

My littlest’s eyes were so wide by this time. You could see the gears turning in his head.

“Mama, what happens when Santa is naughty?” he asked.

Sometimes I just want to scream, I DON’T KNOW, PEOPLE! THIS STUFF ISN’T EVEN REAL!

But I maintained my composure and ended the night with a brilliant, “Well, that’s silly, honey. It’s a made-up story. Santa would never do that. Good night.”

I never said I was the kid whisperer. Often, it’s enough to just get through the day without any obvious psychological damage.

I am, however, wondering if the story about Santa chunking steaks at the reindeer might just become a new classic. Maybe you’ll see it on TV next year. 7 pm on ABC Family channel?

Or maybe not.

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